gracealongtheway

Today, I am on my way to take my kids to an amusement park. As I sit here thinking about all the preparations needed for a full day of fun, there is one thing that seems to be missing from my list: fear.

Don’t get me wrong, walking out the door isn’t as easy as it used to be. In fact, just weeks ago was my first “normal” outing after being sick where fear was absent.

My husband and I planned a morning trip to a local wooded area to walk. I was so excited to be outside in nature, feeling like I was one step closer to hiking—something that has been on my list of things I’m not yet allowed to do.

For months, I played the “what ifs” in my head every single time I walked out the door. I was afraid to do anything, but I still did it. Even when I pushed through, though, fear still crept in.

I tried to plan every possible scenario in my head, as if I could somehow control the outcome instead of giving it over to God. And, to be completely honest, I still struggle with control. I still find myself running through scenarios and wondering what could happen.

But I’ve learned something: God is not afraid of our honesty. He doesn’t need us to come to Him with everything figured out or pretend that we aren’t afraid. He wants us to be completely truthful with Him, especially in seasons of uncertainty.

Before this past year, I was so much worse with the “what ifs.” I questioned every turn. I tried to anticipate every possibility. I tried to please everyone. I thought control would give me security.

But truthfully, if I had not gone through what I did this past year, I don’t think I would have experienced this new level of gratitude for life.

I wouldn’t have learned to trust God in a way that required me to surrender the control I had been so unwilling to give up. I wouldn’t have learned to find joy again in the small things—the things I once took for granted.

And maybe that is what the absence of fear really is.

It isn’t the belief that nothing bad could happen. It isn’t knowing exactly what tomorrow will bring. It isn’t having every scenario planned out in my head.

My absence of fear is a level of complete trust in God.

I’m learning that I don’t have to know every turn before I take the next step. I don’t have to control every outcome. I just have to trust the One who does.

So today, I’m going to the amusement park with my kids.

And for once, fear isn’t coming with me.